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6/6/01 - My friend Jesse (of Whitford, actually) had this theory that my hair has something to do with the music I write. I'm not sure of the specifics, but I think there was some sort of length to angst ratio. And you know, there may be something to it. For the past, oh, two years I've been struggling to do something--anything musical. And all this time, the best I could do was come up with ideas... LOTS of them. They'd all stop there, though: I'd never hammer them out and eventually I'd grow to think they suck anyway, so why bother? Inaction was entrenched within me. Like a wisdom tooth. Anyway... I recently escaped from my job, and decided it was a good time to change the hair (even though it's falling out) and abracadabra! I start becoming productive again.
Lemme unpack that... the good news is, my wife--who's name is Insomnia--decided I don't need a job anymore so she rigged it so my client would drop me like a rotten onion. Mighty nice of her, eh? So now I'm (in a sense) free and thus have time to be productive musically. And these past two weeks I have been... I've been down to the practice space (as recently as tonight, even), and recorded rough versions of a few songs. Sans vocals. See... that's the hard part for me. There's some level of immobilizing fear there when it comes to me having to sing again. Rather, when it comes to me having to sing something I wrote. I've been singing Neutral Milk Hotel, some Weezer, and a little pedro the lion now and then, no problem (when I've not been sick, that is). Since I didn't write the lyrics, I think they're great. I know, though, if I'd written those very same songs, with the very same lyrics, I'd think they were stupid. Now, I don't know if that's just me being overly critical of myself, or if I know that there are certain things I can project in songs that fit my personality and certain things I can't. I don't know. I'm sure I'm overanalyzing. Blah. Still, when it comes time to put words to a tune, I feel like everything I think of is trying too hard to be funny or clever or angry or aloof or weird or nonsensical or depressing... when that's not at all the result I want. One of these days I'm just gonna say screw it and make the lyrics to every song I write, "Pudding pudding pudding..." But then I think of the few songs I have written that have good lyrics... and the thing about them I can remember is that it took me a lot of time and work to come up with them. So at the heart of it I bet I just have to ignore the voices that tell me I suck and get up off my duff and listen to the songs until I'm sick of hearing them, then write words to them while the tunes are stuck in my head. Also, I'm a pretty poor drummer. I have to think of a way to bribe Brian again. He was good. Hmm.... any ideas? :) Blah blah blah. I need to get an MP3 encoder. Hey Jesse... which one do you use? I know you told me, but I think I was born with alzheimer's. Sheesh! Well, thanks for reading and keeping up. Both of you. :) Chris |
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